Today at work, I did one of the scariest things: made a phone call. I wrote in one of my working life posts about my horrible fear of phones. You would think that face-to-face is worse, but phones are just awkward.
Yesterday all the properties sent over their purchase orders in which it has been made my job to get them all entered. With each property, they send over a log that divides each one out to whatever category it belongs and you check it off when entered. I was handed them and told one of them was missing the log and would have to call them or something. All I had to do was hear the word "call" to send me into instant panic and anxiety. What do I say, how do I ask for it, who do I even talk to??? Or worse, what if I mess up my words and sound like the biggest idiot? It was a simple request: can you fax over your PO log?
So much to worry about. My days weren't going to be enjoyable until I get this over with. My mom had mentioned to just send them an email. Of course that's the easy thing to do, and probably more practical for numerous questions. Besides, I don't have a name to my email since I'm temp, so they might think it's junk or "who the heck is this person?" Email was not going to happen, even though I did type it up, but never sent it.
Next option was to chicken out and ask the lady who deals with this property about it and hope maybe she would make the call. Obviously I can't have everyone make calls for me, although they understand and know the people much better than I do. I don't want to look like someone avoiding the phones.
Last option was to make the call myself. I put their PO's on the bottom of my stack so I could think while I worked on all the other properties and then take action when I got closer to it. Well, I was happy to make it through Monday without having to call anyone. Maybe a miracle would happen the next day and the PO log would be on my desk.
That didn't happen. I knew I was going to have to call at some point. I was so nervous. I didn't want anyone to hear me make this call in case I screwed up and sounded stupid and got some lecture about talking on the phone or something. To my luck, everyone was gone at the same time for lunch and it was just me. It was getting to the point when people would start coming back so I needed to take action soon. I was so nervous. I sat for 5 minutes planning out what to say.
Then this other lady came over from the back room to make copies. Crap. I can't call with her standing right by my desk. She was not hurrying with those copies either! Finally she left and it was do or die for me! I scrolled to the property in the phone and stared at it for a second, took a deep breath, and picked up the phone. It was ringing. Last chance to hurry and organize my words.
I didn't even know the name of who I was supposed to talk to. So whoever answered, I said my little line. Apparently it wasn't the right person, but that's okay. I was put on hold and hoping it would hurry before everyone returned. Last chance to organize my thoughts! I managed to get my request out to the manager with only a slight odd moment. Next thing you know, I had the fax of the PO log I needed! My hands were shaking so much for about 5 minutes after that call and my face felt like it was on fire. But I felt so good about it even though it was scary!
Sometimes, getting that first call at your job out of the way helps for future ones. It was a basic call, but I think I did alright. The more I do, the more comfortable and better I will get at it to where I won't mind it at all. Sometimes I just get this feeling since I'm the "quiet person" that making a call would draw attention like "omg, she's going to talk to people!" I think that's most of what makes me so nervous and never wanting to speak...the thought of everyone else's thoughts about my speaking. Like a baby saying it's first words.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
The Working Life - Part 6 continued 6:53 PM
(continued from here)
I started the next day downstairs drowning in nerves. I knew everyone was nice down there but I had no clue what I was doing. I had to start all over with learning. Just when I was getting comfortable upstairs. I worked with the other temp for a week and a half. She was an older lady, but very nice and helpful. In my time with her I learned how to enter purchase orders, match up invoices with them and enter invoices as well. That was all pretty simple. I was also shown where to file everything at and open and sort mail.
I thought, if this is all I have to do, this is easy! The first week by myself was very nerve racking. I felt like the week of training I got, was all I was going to get. I really had no clue what to do. I was so nervous to ask what to do, because I wanted to know what I was doing on my own instead of the constant "What do you want me to do now?" I want to know the pattern of things and what needs to be done by what day of the months.
I started the next day downstairs drowning in nerves. I knew everyone was nice down there but I had no clue what I was doing. I had to start all over with learning. Just when I was getting comfortable upstairs. I worked with the other temp for a week and a half. She was an older lady, but very nice and helpful. In my time with her I learned how to enter purchase orders, match up invoices with them and enter invoices as well. That was all pretty simple. I was also shown where to file everything at and open and sort mail.
I thought, if this is all I have to do, this is easy! The first week by myself was very nerve racking. I felt like the week of training I got, was all I was going to get. I really had no clue what to do. I was so nervous to ask what to do, because I wanted to know what I was doing on my own instead of the constant "What do you want me to do now?" I want to know the pattern of things and what needs to be done by what day of the months.
The Working Life - Part 6 6:52 PM
My mom had told me they were looking for a temp at her work. I was like "ooo me me me!!" I knew everyone there from meeting my mom up there all the time. I was told it was just data entry type of stuff. However, she then said they were looking for someone with a business degree. There it goes, I'm screwed. I will never have the right degree for anything even though I can do the job. Or at least learn quickly. How hard can entering data be that you need a business degree??
My name was mentioned at it was just up in the air on needing a temp at the time. I think at some point they agreed on letting me come in and work as a temp and I'd talk to the boss the following week. My mom suggested I wear my suit (to this very casual office in an apartment), while this other girl said I could wear whatever. Weird thing happened, and before that week approached, my mom called and said to come in to work ASAP because they wanted me right now. Wow, what a way to hurry out of bed! I was excited, but then very nervous.
My name was mentioned at it was just up in the air on needing a temp at the time. I think at some point they agreed on letting me come in and work as a temp and I'd talk to the boss the following week. My mom suggested I wear my suit (to this very casual office in an apartment), while this other girl said I could wear whatever. Weird thing happened, and before that week approached, my mom called and said to come in to work ASAP because they wanted me right now. Wow, what a way to hurry out of bed! I was excited, but then very nervous.
Monday, October 21, 2013
The Working Life - Part 5 4:01 PM
Shortly after I gave up on the temp agency, we had a family game night with some extended family. One of the ladies mentioned that her husband could help me with my resume and applying to some jobs. My social anxiety is so bad, that I can't ever get words out to speak to these people. This was my chance and I was getting yelled at if I didn't call him up.
There's that scary "call" word again. Of course I paced around before I made that call too but after I did we scheduled a time to meet up at his house. I dreaded this more than anything because I would have to talk and I was scared because he has barely ever heard me speak before. What if I make a complete idiot out of myself??
There's that scary "call" word again. Of course I paced around before I made that call too but after I did we scheduled a time to meet up at his house. I dreaded this more than anything because I would have to talk and I was scared because he has barely ever heard me speak before. What if I make a complete idiot out of myself??
The Working Life - Part 4 continued 3:34 PM
(continued from here)
They told me about a job opportunity that would be temp-to hire possibly. Sweet! She said it would be doing follow up phone calls. I didn't have a lot of information about the job, but that didn't sound too hard. I agreed to it and she said there would be a phone interview. Immediately I began to panic. I couldn't back out now. I had the option of doing the interview that afternoon or the next day. Well I certainly wasn't mentally able to do it that afternoon. I had to do some research and prepare questions and answers. She told me some that they might ask which helped a great deal.
They told me about a job opportunity that would be temp-to hire possibly. Sweet! She said it would be doing follow up phone calls. I didn't have a lot of information about the job, but that didn't sound too hard. I agreed to it and she said there would be a phone interview. Immediately I began to panic. I couldn't back out now. I had the option of doing the interview that afternoon or the next day. Well I certainly wasn't mentally able to do it that afternoon. I had to do some research and prepare questions and answers. She told me some that they might ask which helped a great deal.
The Working Life - Part 4 3:32 PM
After that job was over, I was back to square one: job searching. I hate square one. I mentioned in part one how much I hate job hunting. And it's not the job hunting that is awful (okay, well part of it), but the thought of the interview I might get.
I didn't go into many details then on how I felt on the thought of an interview. Being the anxious person I was, I didn't gain many conversational skills. I freeze up being asked questions from people I don't know and tend to give out one word or simple sentence answers. It was short and sweet and I was done talking to the person. Interviews can't be like that. The thought of them just nearly paralyze me and everything on the inside feels like it's forming in knots and I start forgetting to breathe and I find myself constantly taking big gasps of air. This is just the thought of them!
I didn't go into many details then on how I felt on the thought of an interview. Being the anxious person I was, I didn't gain many conversational skills. I freeze up being asked questions from people I don't know and tend to give out one word or simple sentence answers. It was short and sweet and I was done talking to the person. Interviews can't be like that. The thought of them just nearly paralyze me and everything on the inside feels like it's forming in knots and I start forgetting to breathe and I find myself constantly taking big gasps of air. This is just the thought of them!
Thursday, October 10, 2013
The Working Life - Part 3 4:52 PM
After returning home from Texas, I wasted no time heading to the place I was supposed to get transferred to. I talked to one of the managers there about it and handed in my application. I think this was sometime near the end of July.
Well I never heard anything back until the end of September. I was completely surprised as I had nearly forgotten all about it. I called them back and set up an interview time. It was nice that this one didn't take place in the middle of the store. The manager seemed extremely nice! We mainly just talked about the differences between their store and the one in Texas. It was pretty funny and I knew this would be good.
Well I never heard anything back until the end of September. I was completely surprised as I had nearly forgotten all about it. I called them back and set up an interview time. It was nice that this one didn't take place in the middle of the store. The manager seemed extremely nice! We mainly just talked about the differences between their store and the one in Texas. It was pretty funny and I knew this would be good.
Wednesday, October 09, 2013
The Working Life - Part 2 continued 4:51 PM
(continued from here)
Halfway through my time working here things just got worse for me. I typically got around 20-30 hours a week and a lot of days were 6-8 hours. After some time I was only getting around 10-20 working a couple days a week. I know at one point they were cutting lots of shifts and I'd get calls about not having to come into work. Found out other people got that too, so I was cool. There were also these stupid "on-call" shifts where you had to call in to see if you had to work. I really hated those. I was always very nervous about calling in. They usually used me 50% of the time. Depended on how busy they were a lot of times.
I don't remember when, but one day the manager pulled me aside to a couch somewhere in the store to talk with me. This is when things came crashing down. Her first statement was, "Have you noticed your hours lately?" By this, she was asking if I've noticed that I have less hours than everyone. I knew exactly where this conversation was going and I knew it wasn't going to be good. Well, of course I've noticed. I was getting 8-12 hours or something a week by this point. She always asked how I was doing and I said fine. I was handling my main duties just as well as anyone else except being more quiet.
Halfway through my time working here things just got worse for me. I typically got around 20-30 hours a week and a lot of days were 6-8 hours. After some time I was only getting around 10-20 working a couple days a week. I know at one point they were cutting lots of shifts and I'd get calls about not having to come into work. Found out other people got that too, so I was cool. There were also these stupid "on-call" shifts where you had to call in to see if you had to work. I really hated those. I was always very nervous about calling in. They usually used me 50% of the time. Depended on how busy they were a lot of times.
I don't remember when, but one day the manager pulled me aside to a couch somewhere in the store to talk with me. This is when things came crashing down. Her first statement was, "Have you noticed your hours lately?" By this, she was asking if I've noticed that I have less hours than everyone. I knew exactly where this conversation was going and I knew it wasn't going to be good. Well, of course I've noticed. I was getting 8-12 hours or something a week by this point. She always asked how I was doing and I said fine. I was handling my main duties just as well as anyone else except being more quiet.
The Working Life - Part 2 4:01 PM
After the Census job, I was still terrified of finding a job. I needed money for loans badly. I had no experience with much of anything except some slight knowledge of web design. I wasn't great at it, but I could put some basic pages together to advertise a small business or something. It wasn't something I was trying to find a job in by any means because I didn't feel good enough.
So, I spent the summer of 2011 designing a web site and logo for a friend of my cousin. I didn't mind it and it freshened up some of my lost CSS and HTML skills but I knew I didn't want a career in this. She did pay me for the work, but overall I had a jobless summer.
So, I spent the summer of 2011 designing a web site and logo for a friend of my cousin. I didn't mind it and it freshened up some of my lost CSS and HTML skills but I knew I didn't want a career in this. She did pay me for the work, but overall I had a jobless summer.
Wednesday, October 02, 2013
The Working Life - Part 1 4:53 PM
I have always been terrified to get a job. Not because I wouldn't be able to do the job, but because the thought of the interview is terrifying. This is the reason I do not have a permanent job yet.
I put my foot in the door in 2010 when I saw an ad for the 2010 Census. All you had to do was pass a test and you were in. However, you had to call first to find out testing info. I don't know what's worse, a job interview or calling up someone on a phone. I someone made it through the phone call and went and took the test with about 20 others one day. I didn't get a great score and figured I wasn't going to make it, which was fine because doing house-to-house interviews was not my cup of tea. After a couple weeks, I received a phone call saying I got the job. I was very excited but then I heard about training and my nerves kicked right back in.
I put my foot in the door in 2010 when I saw an ad for the 2010 Census. All you had to do was pass a test and you were in. However, you had to call first to find out testing info. I don't know what's worse, a job interview or calling up someone on a phone. I someone made it through the phone call and went and took the test with about 20 others one day. I didn't get a great score and figured I wasn't going to make it, which was fine because doing house-to-house interviews was not my cup of tea. After a couple weeks, I received a phone call saying I got the job. I was very excited but then I heard about training and my nerves kicked right back in.
Wednesday, September 04, 2013
House Mother to Chinese Girls 6:05 PM
Over the weekend, I was given a wonderful opportunity to be a "house mother" to six Chinese high school girls. My immediate thought was, "Wow, this would be so much fun and nearly a dream come true." What I mean by that is, I've always wanted to host a foreign exchange student and this sounded similar. I was briefly told that you would go live in a house that is by the school with them. Not knowing exactly what it consisted of, I gave my number out to be contacted for further information about it. I had a lot of questions and thoughts running through my head about this like, "What do I have to do for them? Will I have to cook for all six girls? Do I have to constantly be there?" etc, etc.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Back to Blogger 4:55 PM
I'm back blogging at Blogger. Hopefully for good, as I've seen lots of nice page designs for Blogger. So I apologize in advance if the design changes frequently at first. Still trying to find one I like that is simple. As a web designer, I get picky about how my blog looks, so I tend to spend more time tweaking it up than writing. Which annoys me when all I want to do is write, but I feel I can't write without my blog looking the way I want.
Anyways, I've been wanting to start this blog for a very long time. Probably since at least last summer, if not before. I plan this to be mostly about my life with social anxiety and mostly as a way to vent out my innermost thoughts. This can be anything from the past, present or future. Some days things from the past bother me, and other times I'm worrying about the future. I don't think there are many days when there's not an anxious thought on my mind.
Anyways, I've been wanting to start this blog for a very long time. Probably since at least last summer, if not before. I plan this to be mostly about my life with social anxiety and mostly as a way to vent out my innermost thoughts. This can be anything from the past, present or future. Some days things from the past bother me, and other times I'm worrying about the future. I don't think there are many days when there's not an anxious thought on my mind.